The other day my girlfriend asked me if guys talk in the bathroom. In general, that is an odd question to ask. When I told her it’s forbidden to speak while in the men’s bathroom she looked at me with the strangest look and asked me why. I thought about it briefly and informed her there are golden rules.
For women, the bathroom is a safe haven to talk about boys, giggle, do their makeup and talk about what’s bothering them; which is mostly everything it seems. The land of couches and nice mirrors are just a myth in these mystical places designed for men.
I’m not sure why it’s forbidden for guys to talk while in there. I do know when I’m trying to take a massive number 2, I don’t want to talk about sports or weather to the guy in the stall next to me, while I can smell his fragrence. As a matter of fact, it’s so quiet in there, that often times men find themselves trying to hold back from making noises which will echo throughout the entire men’s room.
The silence creates awkward moments ocassionally. All too often we’re casually trying to do our business and we can hear the person next to us grunting, as if he’s in pain or passing a kidney stone. It’s as if he waited a week to go to the toilet, or regretting eating the neon colored nacho cheese sauce from the truck stop that was on sale with purchase of chips. It’s moments like this that break the silence. This act usually creates moments of laughter, followed immediately by moments of panic, when the fermented, robust fragrence of that man’s essence fills the room, creating immediate panic and mass chaos.
Aside from the code of silence, there’s also the rule of leaving the urinal next to you vacant on either side. As young boys, we are taught to leave the stall next to us open. This means as we walk into a bathroom, if there are 4 stalls, 2 of which are open, we go into the crapper and urinate in there, or wait for a 3rd stall to become vacant. All too often we find men breaking this rule. When this happens, we do not make eye contact or acknowledge them as a human being. What’s real awkward, is when people break this unforgivable golden rule and stare at us, trying to glance into our soul or check out our manhood.
The only exception to these rules are if you go in groups of three. Only then will you have someone comfortable next to you, and you are permitted to talk. It is acceptable for men to speak again when they are washing their hands. Only at that point have all deeds been done and full conversation may resume.
I hope this helps for all the ladies out there, or for those men who have forgotten a couple of the basic rules of the bathroom. That has been my odd thought today.
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